It's Sunday morning and i'm laid in bed staring out the window with my cup of coffee. Saturday night is a hazy blur but i'm almost sure I had a laugh and did not offend anyone. I'm still contemplating whether this is going to be a bad hangover or a good one but i'm in my 30's so 9 out of 10 hangovers are the bad kind. It is true what they say kids, as you get older the hangovers get worse and last longer. Don't be fooled you young folk, it is coming your way so get the energy drinks and paracetamol at the ready. I am laid here watching the world go by on a sunny winter Sunday morning and blissfully scrolling through Tinder and Grindr trying to find a man around my age, who is actually looking for more than a 20 minute bunk up, a quick shoot and a squirt, then they are out of the door faster than Usain Bolt. This is not an easy task, in fact it is easier to go to work 72 hours a week, than it is to find a gay man in their late 20's to mid 30's who is looking for an actual partner. Everyone is living the fast life, most of the people on grindr have sent me a picture of their penis before I have even seen their face. Don't get me wrong, I love a good penis as much as any gay but at least buy me a bag of dry roasted peanuts before you dangle the little man in my face like an enthusiastic child with a new toy. Don't get me wrong people, i'm not adverse to a hook up and a bit of slap and tickle, in fact for many years I was the advocate for it. I loved it, couldn't get enough of it, as my Granny would say- "I've had more cock than hot diners" but never anything serious. It is time for me to find someone to spend my evenings with, someone to be my plus one to family events and someone to share my life with but this is hard work! I will admit my standards are not very high, I don't have many specifications for my future partner. All I want is someone who is funny, emotionally engaging, has a job (I'm not bothered what job) and doesn't look like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Although one of us is going to have to be the lord of the others ring, i'm not bothered which one. I'm versatile, variety is the spice of life. Does my dream man even exist or is he just a fragment of my imagination like winning the lottery? I went out last night and only spoke to my friends, I don't have many LGBTQ+ friends so don't really go to gay bars as often as i would like and when i do, i usually just stare at the drag queens in complete memorization. I have tried all the dating apps. I have downloaded, deleted and re-downloaded them on several occasions. However, the village I live in has a gay population of almost zero. Therefore, I keep running out of matches in my area. I also have the attention span of a fish, so if you don't catch my attention and be creative in the first couple of sentences, i will switch off. Also i don't know if it is only me but i am sick of this chat- Him- "Hi" Me- "Hey" Him- "How are you?" Me- "Great thanks, you?" Him- "Yeah good thanks" Me- "Up to much?" Him- "Chillin"
THE END What even is "Chillin"? Surely we are at an age of intellect where a conversation should at least consist of sentences! Then when you do finally drop on a decent guy, with good banter and a bit of charm. You never meet him. Which begs the question, is he even real? Also I'll be honest guys, dating is expensive, I live alone. I cant afford to be going out for random drinks and a meal on a Wednesday night. I'm not Paris Hilton. I am at the end of my tether with it all. Dating, men, money and the ability to give a shit gets harder as you get older. If anyone knows any cost effective ways to meet decent guys, that are looking for more than what i can get off my rampant rabbit, PLEASE do sound off in the comments and help a sister out!
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