Its my 23rd Birthday and with the world at my feet and a glint in my eye, I turned to a work colleague whilst eating a Tesco caterpillar cake and said "Jesus! I'm nearly 30! I best crack on otherwise i'm going to be old and alone and have to buy a cat". This thought was horrific to me and unbearable to even comprehend, but still we both laughed it off because obviously this was never going to happen. I have a 5 year plan, a good job with great prospects, i'm dating different lads 2-3 times a week (so Price Charming has got to turn up at some point), I have savings for a house, good friends and life is planning out fine. Roll forward 10 years and a Happy 33rd Birthday to me! Yes i'm older, still single, live alone (wouldn't say i'm lonely) and thank Christ I do not have a Cat. I do however have a Goldfish aptly named "Fish". So as you have probably gathered the last 10 years and the 5 year plan didn't quite go as a young bright eyed me thought it would. The good job with great prospects went into administration and i had to get a new job fast, which in turn made the savings dwindle away. I have been on hundreds maybe even thousands of dates and still Prince Charming has not rode up on his Trojan horse to sweep me off my feet, honestly at this point in time id be happy with a jester in tinfoil. The savings are now all but gone and I live in a rented flat alone, however one thing that has remained the same is good friends. We are all slightly more seasoned/fermented looking, we have have also acquired some new additions and lost some dead wood but all in all a cracking friendship group. I have a good life but wonder where my life went from being a young hopeful romantic with dreams of stardom and bliss to a spinster fish Mum? I thought to myself I cant be the only one who wonders did I do something wrong? Did I take a wrong turn or is this just life?
I have friends both older and younger than me. The younger ones think i'm ancient and laugh when i mention that i had a Nokia 3310, tell them about Barbie Girl being the first single I bought on CD and can remember when Starburst used to be called Opal Fruits. My older friends think i'm young and exciting because i still hook up with people on Grindr or nights out and I know how to download films from Netflix on to my Iphone to watch on the plane to Benidorm but truly where do i belong? I feel as though when you're single, gay and in your 30's you are very limited. Most guys have already paired off in their mid to late 20's and have a mortgage, a pug and go walking on weekends. The guys on dating apps are either 18 and speaking to them is like watching Cbeebies or they are much, much older than myself and can remember when Cilla was a number one sensation and not just a Liverpudlian gay icon. Am I destined to always be the Bridesman and never the Bride?
I also find that when you are a gay man who is camper than a row of pink Christmas trees like myself that, employers don't take you seriously! You are very well thought of and great fun around the office but couldn't be trusted for a promotion or any extra responsibility because you couldn't possibly handle it, in case you break a nail or have a dramatic Dynasty bitch fit. #AlexisCarringtonIcon
I decided I needed a purpose, some sort of hobby and as i'm not sporty in anyway shape or form and stamp collecting is out of the question because stamps make my tongue go dry I have decided to share my life with you all. This website/blog is for all the gays out their who are lost, Who have need to know they are not alone and who just need reassurance and to be told its OK, you do you hun. So stay tuned as I live my life as a 33 year old going through the trials and tribulations of modern day life.
... And remember you may be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond, but at least your not a fish Called Fish!
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